Did I Really Agree To This?

Since I found out baby number 2 is on the way I have gone through some real head games.  I am beyond excited and I can truly say it is what I wanted.  So in my typical Nick fashion I start to let my mind drift off while doing the dishes or laundry and freak out.  HOW WILL IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO OPEN UP ANY MORE OF ME TO ANOTHER LIVING THING?  Just dealing with the animals alone makes me question how I give what  I do to K.  Between Lucas and his seizures, Hannah and her chronic ear issues, Suzy and her kamikaze death-defying leaps from the top of the stairs onto the turtle tank and getting stuck in it, Agent Jack Bauer just being fat and not doing much but being in the way, Joey who you have to track down and make sure he is even still alive because you can go days without seeing him, the cat box cleaning twice a day, and feeding/letting the dogs out I’m spent.

Now onto Addison. As much as I say K is the love of my life, she doesn’t even come close.  I would spend every last breath that I could possibly muster up for her.  All that is nice and sweet but her not feeling great so far has been another difficult challenge and not to mention we also have a marriage to maintain. Now, I do have to say it does not take a ton of work but anyone in a successful relationship knows that even the best relationships need constant work.

Lastly, my perfect most precious hands down best accomplishment is Kendall.  Anyone who has been a parent gets the energy and emotions that you pour into your child.  I can just look at this kid and she makes me  realize just how amazing being a dad truly is.

So after all of this effort, energy, headaches and sleepless nights how could I possibly bring one more living thing into my life? Where can I come up with the energy? (To prove my point further Lucas had a mini episode while writing this)  How can I really truly love another child the same way and feel even close to as much as I do for Kendall? It is just not possible.  I just can’t do it.  This is not right for me nor is it fair to the other loves of my life to take away time from them and give it to a new baby.

Then came Addison’s Doctors appointment today.  We bundled up K and went on our journey.  It was just a routine visit and wasn’t expecting very much from it.  So after the third year Medical student asked us if we wanted to find out the sex of the baby today, we were both a little shocked because we didn’t think we would find out until next month.  We were able to sort of stammer out a yes and off we go.  She takes us to the next room and we wait for the doctor to come in.  He puts the probe on Mamma Bear’s belly and it all started coming together.  While holding Kendall in my arms and listening to her babble away in Kendall speak, Doctor H says “congrats guys you’re having a ________”.

In that moment I finally understood just how big my heart could grow.  Seeing that baby and watching its heart flicker on the screen made everything come to fruition.  It smacked me in the face how much more room is left in there for another baby.  It dawned on me that I will just be adding one more addition to my already perfect family.  In my head I was already planning on how I will be cooking dinner with one baby strapped to my chest and the other running around trying to get into every cabinet and climb every possible elevated area in the house.  The only thing I could do was smile.  This next baby will just add to me as a person and will only make this family that much better. Kendall mumbles DA DA to me right after Dr. H told us. I am very happy with what the sex of the baby will be.  It definitely makes us happy to add another little bambino to the DiMartino’s.

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